Just last week the trees across the street looked like this...
And this week they look like this...
And this week they look like this...
I love Fall in Kansas City.Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Five Years Ago Today
Five years ago today, my life changed. My mom passed away from tumors and cancer at home. Her 3 year battle with cancer finally ended.
I am sad that she is gone, but my dreams keep her fresh at heart. Just last night I dreamt I was flying to California for vacation, alone. I did not want to go to Disney Land, I wanted to go to the beach. She wanted to go so badly that I said ok but realized when she was packing that she did not have a ticket. When I woke up, she was standing outside on the street with the very few, last oddities that she was willing to pawn for a ticket as I was leaving without her. The symbol there is, I have gone on without her without fear or fret.
Most of my dreams are not sappy, they don't make me cry when I am awake, but instead, I am irritated. That is the mood she provoked in me most of the time. I was always mad at her for her lies, or her deep emotions that were toxic. Don't get me wrong. My mom wasn't a total witch, but in the end the cancerand pain she had made her very, very sour. That is what I dream about with her. That is what makes them so real. Deep down I must miss the arguing with her, or trying to prove my point. She was great at provoking me. Love ya mom.
But now, five years later...My life is super boring! It is wonderful. I can go home in any mood I want and not have to choke it down. I detox by singing in the traffic and release my day's crap-o-la. My husband and I have our very own life together. I wish she could see how much we have grown. I am very sure she would be proud. *** Here is my kudo's to me...My husband and my mother lived in the same house for 10 years with this deep dislike for each other. They tried to keep it light for me, but that failed most of the time. She complained about him and he complained about her. Our friends complained about them to me. UGGG. But my kudo's is: I never took a side. I did not pick. The BEST life lesson I ever learned and practice.
So my normal, boring life is practically perfect except I don't have my mom to listen to my crap. Let is also be learned, my friends, that A Mother is the only person that listens to you and really cares about what you just said. Good or bad, Happy or Sad. And if you are not careful in what you say...the Mother is the one that will quote you on it later!
Here is to you, Mom. I miss you.
I am sad that she is gone, but my dreams keep her fresh at heart. Just last night I dreamt I was flying to California for vacation, alone. I did not want to go to Disney Land, I wanted to go to the beach. She wanted to go so badly that I said ok but realized when she was packing that she did not have a ticket. When I woke up, she was standing outside on the street with the very few, last oddities that she was willing to pawn for a ticket as I was leaving without her. The symbol there is, I have gone on without her without fear or fret.
Most of my dreams are not sappy, they don't make me cry when I am awake, but instead, I am irritated. That is the mood she provoked in me most of the time. I was always mad at her for her lies, or her deep emotions that were toxic. Don't get me wrong. My mom wasn't a total witch, but in the end the cancerand pain she had made her very, very sour. That is what I dream about with her. That is what makes them so real. Deep down I must miss the arguing with her, or trying to prove my point. She was great at provoking me. Love ya mom.
But now, five years later...My life is super boring! It is wonderful. I can go home in any mood I want and not have to choke it down. I detox by singing in the traffic and release my day's crap-o-la. My husband and I have our very own life together. I wish she could see how much we have grown. I am very sure she would be proud. *** Here is my kudo's to me...My husband and my mother lived in the same house for 10 years with this deep dislike for each other. They tried to keep it light for me, but that failed most of the time. She complained about him and he complained about her. Our friends complained about them to me. UGGG. But my kudo's is: I never took a side. I did not pick. The BEST life lesson I ever learned and practice.
So my normal, boring life is practically perfect except I don't have my mom to listen to my crap. Let is also be learned, my friends, that A Mother is the only person that listens to you and really cares about what you just said. Good or bad, Happy or Sad. And if you are not careful in what you say...the Mother is the one that will quote you on it later!
Here is to you, Mom. I miss you.
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